Peace Messenger

Last weekend, at the Paris Olympics, Snoop Dog, the country’s unofficial mascot, said: Whoever holds the torch is a peace messenger. What a beautiful sentiment, and one I wish every human would internalize. We should all strive to be peace messengers, whether or not we are fortunate enough to hold the Olympic torch. I have been a peace messenger this past week, myself.

Twice in the past six months Jim and I thought we were going to be grandparents for the first time. Both times began with the joyful and deeply moving knowledge of time marching onward to welcome a new generation. Alas, as is the case in one in four known pregnancies in the first trimester, Kelsy suffered a miscarriage, twice. Most women who miscarry do go on to have a healthy pregnancy later but the number of miscarriages globally is astounding. Most miscarriages happen before 10 weeks and most of these are between 7 and 9 weeks gestation. 

We need to talk about the grief that this loss brings to couples. The shame women feel and the father’s feelings after baby loss, are rarely acknowledged. It is perfectly normal for both parents to be sad, their hopes and dreams have been shattered by a process we have always told our children was simple. 

My peace messenger role consisted of grocery shopping, preparing Kelsy and Steven’s favorite meals, helping to clean and organize their home, and providing some retail therapy. Starting a family is harder than it seems and is anxiety inducing.

In health and wellness classes in high school, our children did not learn about the statistics surrounding miscarriage or stillbirth. They did not learn about genetic testing, chromosomal disorders, artificial insemination, freezing embryos, or adoption. The rhetoric was all about how to use birth control to prevent unwanted pregnancies. Maybe it is time to rethink some of our curriculum in high schools and colleges to include the fertility challenges some couples have when starting a family, especially as couples are waiting longer to try. 

When you are open and talk about miscarriage, you learn just how many couples have been through this. I had one before Jenna was born, and after James was born. It is a part of life, a blessing in disguise perhaps, yet, it is also devastating and heartbreaking. 

We need a league of peace messengers to bring love and wellness to couples experiencing the loss of their angel baby. Wishing you peace, Kelsy and Steven.